Tue, 03 Oct 2006 19:58:03 GMT

CW: 134

I binged after a week long fast, and it just sonowballed. Right now i'm just trying to get all that stuff out of my system and start up again. I hate to admit it, but since this is a journal i might as well... In order to get through the first two days of the fast i abuse pseudoephedrine to get through the day and drink at night to pass out. it only takes me one glass of wine. I suppose it's not a true fast, because thats about 90 cals. I was down to 128. I'm hoping to get the fast going for longer than a week, and I know I could have done it, but I was having trouble with nausea affecting my work. I have to say, the main images pushing me this week are Jenny Mo. and Kate Bosworth's amazing skeletal frame. It's funny how i've become so superficial and how much I pay attention to celebrities right now. It's really what drives me. i used to be so intellectual. My main problem areas are my stomach and breasts. I have skinny legs, and I'm not too worried about my hips. I just need to lose the pudginess around my stomach, and I have having breasts. I really want to see my ribs and chestbones. That's the main goal. To be perfectly honest, i haven't eaten normally for probably 10 years. I've either been a COE or EDNOS. I go through periods of starvation followed by even larger periods of binge eating. when i try to eat normally I gain all the weight I lost. My metabolism is awfully slow. I think I'm done rambling for now.

Wed, 19 Jul 2006 00:52:29 GMT

CW:135
hw:150
lw:119
stgw:125
ltgw:105
(5'3')
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cals today:1,500
I used to be able to survive on 90 cals/day... now I can't get to noon without my stomach grumbling. I also used to go to the gym EVERY day. I've turned into such a loser. I was never thin, but I was on my way.

weeks goals: survive on l bottle babyfood and 1 juice/day. (and take my sleeping pills to knock me out)

Finny